Panic at the Play

Friday was opening night of the New Works Festival of Plays at Mendocino College. I spent most of the day just trying to figure out what to wear (seems like the more nervous I am, the more outfits I try on). Should I dress as the serious writer, complete with black beret, casual writer in jeans and Keen shoes, or whimsical writer in flowy, blue skirt and scarf? Whimsical writer won, and at last it was time to go to the theatre. As my hand grabbed the door knob, I suddenly felt like I didn't want to go. Nope, I think I'll just stay home and hear about it from the director. Way safer! Coward, my Muse declared, and kicked me out the door.

At the theatre, I waited in the auditorium and watched it fill up with people. My brother and nephew were coming, but were unfortunately late. That gave me plenty of time to sit alone and fight the butterflies in my stomach while my palms got sweaty.

My Muse leaned over from the seat behind me and asked, "What are you so worried about?"

"I have no idea. But right now, I really want to leave."

She gripped my shoulder. "You're not going anywhere. Besides, no one came to see you, remember. You're just the play write. They came to see the actors perform the work. No one knows who you are."

"Right." I took a deep breath. Then the director of the festival took the stage and welcomed everyone while the staff closed the theatre doors. Oh just great, I thought. Now my brother can't get in!

The director talked about the festival and the selection of plays, then asked each director and play write to stand as he called our names. What! Ack! Now they'll know who I am. My Muse laughed.

"The writer of Choices, Terena Scott." I slowly stood, holding down my "whimsical" skirt so it wouldn't be lifted by the seat chair flipping up. Then I slowly sat, smoothed my skirt around me, and tried not to pass out.

The house lights dimmed just as my brother and nephew walked in, so they were stuck on the opposite side of the theatre and I was left alone in the dark with my sadistic Muse, surrounded by 100 spectators who I was convinced were all watching me twitch.

After the second play, I got up and dragged my brother and nephew to the seats I'd aggressively saved for them. Now that they were near, I felt a little better. No longer alone. But as soon as the fourth play began, my play, the butterflies in my stomach got so frantic I felt like throwing up. My heart pounded. I clenched my jaw, gripped the arms of the seat, and hyperventilated. I focused on the actors and willed myself not to pass out. I could see the headline in our local paper: Play write collapses at Festival of Plays. Doctor's say it was Stage-Fright.

My play was beautiful. The set was an exterior garden complete with greenery and tivoli lights. The opening music was Time After Time by Cindy Lauper. The actors were strong and their performance riveting. The audience laughed in unexpected spots. I tried to enjoy the moment, but I still had the feeling that they were actually watching me from the invisible eyeballs in the back of their heads. When my play ended, I wanted to cry.

Three more plays followed mine and at last the festival ended. My brother was impressed and even my 15 year old nephew "wasn't too bored." People congratulated my work. Friends gave me hugs and cheered for me.

My Muse asked, "How do you feel now?"

"I want to cry."

I went home and tried to figure out what had happened. I've acted in plays, stage-managed even more, and directed a few, but never have I suffered from such severe stage-fright, and I wasn't even on stage! The one thing all of my prior theatre experience have in common is the barrier of the stage. I was either on it, or behind it. I've never sat in the audience of any production I've been a part of. I could never hear the shuffling, sighing, squeaking of seats, and whispering sounds of an audience so close to me. The lack of the stage barrier was terrifying.

Understanding where my panic came from made the second night better. I was nervous, but not so panicked. Plus, this time my hubby came with me and I didn't spend any time by myself thinking about all those people staring at me. Yes, I know they aren't. As soon as I sat back down people forgot me and turned their attention to the stage. It's much like when I go to an author reading and once I'm introduced they forget I'm the publisher. I realize I like that anonymity.

I hope to write more plays and share them with audiences and actors. One of the directors of a play in the festival asked me if I write full length plays. Why yes, I'm currently revising a full length play now. Good, he said, and encouraged me to submit it to our local theatre company. The only thing I wonder about is how much worse will my vicarious stage fright be when the ENTIRE PRODUCTION is written by ME.

This is another torture my Muse will insist upon!

An interview with me on KMEC about raising a child with a disability.

Last week, Laura was schedule to be interviewed by Jin Gwong, a Buddhist Nun at City of Ten Thousand Buddhas on her KMEC radio program called "Compassion." That morning, Laura called me to ask if I could fill in. Her daughter had just gone into labor with Laura's first grand-child and Laura wanted to be there. Of course, I said, and sent Laura on her way. But then I realized that I had to do a one hour interview in two hours with no idea of what we would talk about!

Well, here's the interview (click on 5/3 show).I'm happy to report I actually sound articulate! A big thank you to Jin Gwong for handling the last minute change so professionally and making me feel comfortable. She's an excellent interviewer.

And a hearty congratulations to Grandma Laura and to her family, who welcomed a daughter into the world!

How much will it cost me to continue working with Amazon?

I'm late posting to my blog because I've been spending time trying to figure out how much extra it will cost my press if I add Booksurge to my printing bill. I'd like to continue working with Amazon, but can I afford it? After several days of hunting, I still don't know.

I'm trying to discover:

1)How much will Amazon's new policy of requiring POD printers to use Booksurge cost?

2)How does that affect my book production budget?

3)What am I getting exactly for my money?

4)What are the marketing benefits of continuing to sell books through Amazon that I will lose if I decide not to use Amazon?

5)How much will those lost marketing benefits cost? How does that affect my book marketing budget?

6)What is the advantage of just using Lightning Source, and therefore Ingram?

I'm trying to look at the Amazon/Booksurge issue with clear, hard, business eyes, setting aside whatever emotional response I have to the perceived strong-armed tactics of Amazon. This isn't easy, because if I feel that I'm being bullied, I get terrifically stubborn and fight back. You think you can push me around? Hah! I'll show you just how tough this short-chick can be!

Not always the right response when you're running a business. Sometimes making decisions for your small business based on emotions, without clear facts to back up those emotions, can get your business into financial trouble. You have to ask yourself, what is the ultimate goal?

So, back to my list of questions. How much will Amazon's new policy cost? This question has been surprisingly difficult to answer.

I went to the Booksurge website and found information for publishers:

Maximize Sales Potential

Titles available as “in stock” on Amazon.com
Extend book lifecycle indefinitely
Publish more books with lower risk

Reduce Costs and Increase Profit

No inventory or small-order risk
No shipping or logistics overhead
Decrease excess costs in your supply chain
Low setup fees and printing rates

However, there was zero information about the ACTUAL cost of printing. For that info, you have to "contact publisher's services for information." That irks me. I had to do that too at Lightning Source, but then they quickly sent me the info I needed regarding pricing and set up costs without being hounded by a sales-rep. Maybe Booksurge will do the same? Usually when I contact a company for more information, they give me the "sales-pitch" rather than answering my questions. Just give me the cost, please, and leave the rap out of it. I can make up my own mind. But this is another one of those moments when I need to hold back my immediate emotional response (just tell me how much it costs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and go through the process to collect the best information I can.

The one thing on that above list that stands out to me is Titles available as “in stock” on Amazon.com . That is disconcerting. I have seen publisher's buy-buttons vanish. So far, my buy button is still there, but for how long?

I also went to the Amazon Advantage website to learn more about that program. It states, "The annual fee for Advantage is $29.95, regardless of the number of titles you enroll." Okay, not bad. $29.95 for your press, not per each book. I read more: "There is an annual fee of $29.95 to be a member of Advantage. Your fee includes unlimited title enrollment. Advantage is a consignment inventory strategy. The standard commission rate is 55% - you keep 45% of the List Price."

"The standard 55% commission rate means that Amazon.com is entitled to 55% of the List Price for each unit that sells. You, the vendor, receive 45% of the List Price. You set the List Price, also known as Suggested Retail Price, of your products, and all payments made to you are calculated based on the List Price. If Amazon.com decides to further reduce the sales price to the customer below the List Price, the customer discount comes out of Amazon.com's percentage. For example, if the List Price is $39.95, you will make $17.98 from each copy sold, even if the Customer Price or Our Price on Amazon.com is discounted from the List Price."

55% is the standard in the industry, meaning Amazon's cut on the sale is the same as Barnes and Noble or any other bookstore. It's the percentage I gave Ingram when I signed my contract with Lightning Source. Lightning Source lets you set the percentage at anything (I know many small publishers who do only 40%) and I decided for the broadest potential sales I should follow the industry standard. Amazon has set the percentage.

Currently, Advantage is for publishers who are not listing their books with Ingram. I couldn't find any specific information about the relationship between the Advantage program and Booksurge. I thought there was one, but maybe I'm wrong?

I will contact Booksurge and request info. Once I have pricing information, I can compare that to what I know Lightning Source charges. Then I can answer the next question, how does that affect my book production budget? Can I afford to use both Booksurge and Lightning Source? Can I afford not to?

Etymologists Corner

There's another Etymologists Corner post at Blood and Ink from Andrew David King (this time I got the name right!).

The word is Tatterdemalion

If you're a word nerd like me, or just need something interesting to read while you wait for your work day to end, head over to Blood and Ink to read about this "tattered" word.

Why Don't I Publish My Own Books?

My Muse is happy right now, a state that is hard to achieve and impossible to maintain. She's pleased with the progress of Medusa's Muse Press, and very excited to be working with a new author. She's also impressed by the growth of Laura's book. And she'll give me points for actually writing a full length play in one month. All bases are covered in my Muse's view. I am being productive AND creative. However...

"Why aren't you publishing you're own work?" she asked, flipping through my play for the hundredth time looking for things to revise.

"Um... I don't have anything ready yet."

"But you have a project in the works, right?"

"Yeah. It's not ready."

"It will be in a few months, IF you get working on it again." She stared at me so hard the end of my nose got cold.

"I will. Don't worry. I haven't dropped the project. If you haven't notice, I've been a little busy lately." I nodded toward the play in her hands. She smiled.

"Yes. I know. And I'm happy you finished something for a change." She set the play aside and leaned toward me. "But I think you're scared to publish you're own book and you'll keep hunting for things to keep you busy so you won't be able to finish it."

"I am not!" I folded my arms and tried to look confident. "Right now I prefer to work with other writers, not just myself."

"Sure you do." She twirled a snake around one finger thoughtfully and waited. I hate it when she does that.

"I like working with other people," I continued. "I'd much rather do that than have to do it ALL. I can't imagine trying to write a book AND make all the desicions about its design and cover AND try to market it. Publishing other people's work helps me gain perspective. I'm not so attached to every word on the page. I can make the tough choices. I'm not so sure I can wear both hats; author and publisher."

"Sounds rational." She kept twirling that snake until I feared its poor little head would pop off.

"The press is very important to me, more important than my own books. I love writing and I'll always do it, but I don't know if I'm ready to publish my own work."

"I think you're scared."

"Of course I am. That's not a surprise."

"I think you're also afraid of the stigma."

"What stigma?"

"That you can only get published by yourself."

There was a long awkward silence while we stared at each other; me trying to think of something intelligent to say and she trying not to grin. She knew she was right but I was darn sure not going to validate that.

I took a deep breath and said, "Don't be ridiculous. I have no bias against self-publishers."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't! I have a bias against bad writing, whether it's self-published or not. If the writing is good, then who cares who published it? In fact, people who can write well and self-publish are brilliant in my book. I sure can't do it."

She let go of the snake which sprung back against her head and gasped for breath, then she pointed her bony finger at me. "Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"You're afraid. You think your writing might be so bad people will scoff and think you're one of the unprofessional publishers, incapable of seeing the problems with your own work."

All I could do was fold my arms around myself tighter and say, "I am not."

She stood and moved closer, resting her hand on my head. "It's okay. You can be afraid. You were afraid to start Medusa's Muse and now look at you. A full fledged publisher with one succesful book and two more on the way. So in time, you'll stop being afraid about publishing your own book."

"I never stopped being afraid you know."

"I know. But you did it anyway. Just like one of these days, you'll publish you're own book."

I knew she'd make me do it one of these days, whether I want to or not. She's that kind of muse.

Script Frenzy Finish Line

I did it! After a grueling day of almost non-stop typing only interrupted by my daughter needing something (ever try to type and serve dinner at the same time?), I actually finished writing a 119 page play in one month! I even got a certificate from Script Frenzy to print out and a new logo for my blog which announces I WON! I'm so dang proud of myself that I pulled this off!

My Muse is quite proud too. She was the one who wouldn't let me out of the chair until I finished my play TODAY. Occasionally I was allowed to pee, and of course I could take care of my Mommy-duties, but otherwise it was non-stop, keep typing, only twenty more pages to go, work.

It's 9:30 at night, and my back, arms, shoulders, hands and neck are killing me. My whole body is screaming at me to STOP TYPING IMMEDIATELY AND TAKE A HOT BATH OR ELSE.

Okay, I'm going, but I had to announce it from the virtual roof-top that I DID IT.

Northern California Publisher's and Author's Conference

On Saturday, April 26th, I went to the annual Northern California Publisher's and Author's Conference in Sacramento, California at the Red Lion Inn. Excellent Conference! I learned more in that one day than I have at any other workshop or conference I've attended this far. With speakers like Dan Poynter, Stephanie Chandler, Micheal Larson and Elizabeth Pomoda, and Bud Gardner,how could I not?

The key note speaker was Dan Poynter, the man who wrote The Self Publisher's Manuel, which is the book that got Medusa's Muse started (as well as thousands of other presses). Not only is he THE expert on small presses, he is a lively and entertaining speaker. He talked about the future of publishing and how our society's love of portable devices and our hunger for information is creating a surge in e-book and audio book demand. If we want our books to survive in this market, we MUST make portable versions. With that in mind, I'll re tackle the audio book project and research the best way to develop an e-book version for sale on the Medusa's Muse Website. His talk also helped me realize just how competitive a small press can be. We are able to be far more responsive to the needs of the book market, which is something large presses are unable to manage. If we see a niche or need in the market, we can swoop in and fill that void within weeks, rather than the year plus it takes the large houses to develop a project. As Dan says, "It's the first book that counts." We small presses can create that first book before a large press can even get the cover designed.

The first workshop I attended was taught by Stephanie Chandler, called "Marketing Your Books Online." Very good, basic information and ideas about how to create sites and fill it with content that will get you noticed online. She also talked about effective blogging (which made me wonder if this blog is providing the kinds of information my readers need) and building your social network (you mean all that time I spend on MySpace and Tribe isn't a waste?). I bought her book, "From Entrepreneur to Infopreneur" to help me support my authors as they try to market their own books and set up speaking engagements. She's written several other books about running a small business and marketing which I intend to buy as well.

After that came lunch (which was actually quite good. Even this Gluten-Free person found enough to eat) and a presentation by Micheal Larsen and Elizabeth Pomoda, two respected and well known agents in the book industry. I was impressed that they took the time out to speak to us and learnign that agents are now looking at small press and self published books as a "testing ground" for potential new talent was heartening. It looks like the stigma against self-publishers is starting to change. They also provided excellent hand-outs packed with information on developing a manuscript, pitching a story, contacting agents, as well as one that helped us define our writing goals. How much money do you want to earn as a writer? Hmmm... I haven't thought about that. I mean, I'm happy with a hundred bucks, which I'm still hoping to make someday. But really, how much do you WANT to earn? That's an important question that will help you determine your writing focus.

After lunch I attended the workshop called "Behind the Shelves: What it takes to sell high volume through major retailers," led by Clint Greenleaf of Greenleaf Book Group, an Austin Tx. based book distributor. That one was eye opening! Did you know that to get "face-out" placement in the front of a large chain book store will cost you thousands of dollars? Not only do you have to work to get your book in there, you then have to pay to have it displayed in an area where a reader will actually find it. He also talked about returns. You should expect more than half of the books sold to be returned, and many of those returned books will not be in good condition. Also, a retailer can return the book TWO YEARS after purchase. It's crazy! I have definitely devoted my creative life to a bizarre, counter-intuitive industry.

The last workshop I attended was led by Karl Palachuk, called "Recorded Products and Other Non-Printed Spinoff Products." The best thing about this workshop was the information about specific programs, software, hardware, and technologies available to create audio and e-books. Karl is a tech guy by trade, whose written several books, including "Relax, Focus, Succeed," a book about focusing your energy to achieve your goals, rather than working so hard without a direction.

At the close of the event, a panel of the speakers talked about the future of the small press. There was a lot of talk about technology and how that is fostering the growth of the industry, while also creating monumental changes. Who really knows what the next five years will bring? The entire book industry is changing, and it is the small press which is better able to navigate that change.

I met some wonderful people, including Michele Avanti, NCPA board member and author of "Tales of Tamoor." She sat by me at lunch and we immediately started chatting. I was struck by how open and friendly everyone was. Dan Poynter said it best when he stated, "We (we the publishers) are not competitors, we're colleagues." Attending the NCPA conference showed me how true that is.

Laura Fogg Reading in Willits, Cal.

This Saturday, April 26th, Laura will read from her book, "Traveling Blind; Life Lessons from Unlikely Teachers." A discussion about her work with visually impaired children and a demonstration of white cane technique will follow, with plenty of time for your questions. The event begins at 1 p.m. at St. Francis of the Redwoods Episcopal Church, 1 North Main Street, Willits. Here is a link to the announcement in the Willits News.

Books will be available to buy and one dollar of every book sold at the event will go to the Church's building fund. I myself will not be there (I'll be at the Northern California Publisher's and Writer's Conference in Sacramento this weekend, of which I'll write about on Monday), but Jane Mackay, Medusa's Editor, will be and can answer any questions you may have about the press.

New Medusa Writer Revealed!

You waited all weekend on pins-and-needles, eagerly checking the blog, disappointed to see no new post, hungry to learn who is the NEW WRITER!!!! (I can pretend there are people out there whose entire lives revolve around what I write in my blog, can't I?). As promised, the name of the new, fabulous, extremely talented and brilliant writer, will be revealed today. Yes, TODAY! Can you stand the suspense any longer?

Her name is.....

Tamarian Graffham!

Yes, the writer of the funny and very popular blog, Tales From The Den Of Chaos, is the new Medusa's Muse author. Her book, which shows how she managed to escape crushing debt and save her family from financial ruin, is scheduled for release late Fall, 2008. The title is to be determined, but the tone and style will be in the voice you've grown to love from her blog, full of the same humor and helpful tips.

If you can't wait to read the book, go to the Den of Chaos to read her blog. And if you are already a long time reader and begin to feel frustrated that her posts are less frequent, remember she is busy finishing her novel. Send her little notes of encouragement. And check back here for updates on the book's production.

Well, now that the secrets been revealed, you can all go back to your daily lives, comforted by the fact that Medusa's Muse is alive and well and a new book is in the works (because I'm sure my readers have nothing more to worry about than Medusa).

Laura Fogg Interview About Her Quilts

There is an interview with Laura Fogg, author of Traveling Blind: Life Lessons from Unlikely Teachers, posted on the website Center For The Quilt. The site is sponsered by the Alliance for American Quilts, a non-profit organizations supporting the textile arts.

Here is a portion of that interview:

Karen Musgrave (KM): This is Karen Musgrave. I'm doing a Quilters' S.O.S. - Save Our Stories interview with Laura Fogg. It is March 8, 2007. It is 7:11 in the evening, and I'm in Philo, California. Thank you so much for agreeing to do an interview with me. Tell me about the quilt that you brought for the interview.

Laura Fogg (LF): This is a fairly typical quilt for me (photo of quilt can be seen on website). It is called "Brodiaea on Greenwood Ridge," and I love doing the landscapes. That is mostly what I do after having lived in this county for over thirty-five years. Every place I go there is just another scene that I want to capture. So I started doing this collage style raw edge landscape. The whole thing is under a layer, well in this case, I didn't use toile, I used, I'm not sure what this stuff is called, it is voile or organza.

KM: [looking at the quilt and the fabric specifically.] Organza.

LF: It is really transparent, but under that I've layered different fabrics to get the sky and the distant hillside. I have several layers of the white organza over both the sky and those distant hills to try and gray them down, make them look like they go into the distance. Fewer layers over the closer hills.

To read the rest of the interview, follow the above link.

The First Edit; What am I looking for?

Pencil in hand, I am reading the first draft of the manuscript sent to me by my new author (who will be revealed next week. Really!). This is my absolute favorite part of being a publisher and is the number one reason I do this work. It's also the reason I keep looking for more authors, even though I have more than enough projects right now. Still, being the first to read these words, the two sides of my brain working cooperatively with my heart and gut, my Muse eagerly snatching each page as I finish them, the excitement of beginning to create a new book... this is why I am a publisher.

A lot of what I do is instinct. I have a knack for finding the heart of a story; discovering the threads that tie it together while cutting out what doesn't. But I've been trying to pin down what it is I do exactly.

I begin with what the writer told me the story is about. I'm not the writer, so I don't want the author to write like me. I want them to write in their own voice. My job is to make sure they're doing that. So if the author tells me their book is about a man who hunts the world for his lost love only to discover he never really loved her in the first place, then I'm going to look for those bits in the manuscript that perpetuate that. I ask lots of questions, like, why did he go to Cuba? What is it about this girl that haunts him? How did he discover he doesn't love her? Lots of Why type questions, and then even more "What if..." If I read something in the book that doesn't add to the story directly, then no matter how beautiful or inspired the prose, I say cut it. When the man goes to Japan and meets a woman who teachers him how to play pin-ball, that might be a fun part of the story, but how does it tie in with finding his lost love?

When I was working with Laura, she had many pages of beautiful prose about the landscape of Mendocino County. Really well written and lovely, but how did it help the flow of the book? Setting is important, but was the book about Mendocino County, or the students who live there? She slowly cut those passages down. It wasn't easy and I know it probably hurt "killing her darlings." But in the end, we both agree it tightened the pacing of the book and brought the focus to her and her students, which was where it needed to be. And now she has several pages of beautiful prose sitting on her laptop, waiting for the next book she wants to write, which will be perfect for those descriptions.

The new author's book is about personal finance and day to day life. It's funny and well written, full of helpful advice about getting out of debt. So I am reading it with that in mind. What is the focus? Is this book a "how-to get out of debt" book or "personal essays about getting out of debt?" That question has to be answered early because both types of books have a different tone. Plus, the author's voice is very strong and unique, so I am looking for the places in the writing when that voice is true, and highlighting the places when the voice is weak.

It's still early in the process and I'm sure we'll go through several more revisions before we agree it is her best work (yes, the new author is a woman). Happily for Jane, there are very few spelling or punctuation problems. The copy-editing process should go smoothly.

But we don't get to that part for at least two more revisions, so I'd better get back to work on this first draft.

A New Manuscript

Our new author just sent me her manuscript. Who is this mysterious author and what did she write? Can't tell you yet, not until the contract is signed, which it will be once I read her manuscript and make sure it's something I can work with (Oh, I already know it is! But protocols are protocols). So not much longer. She and I are meeting to talk contracts and editing suggestions next week and after that, it will be Official and I can reveal her name.

Here's a hint, her funny, informative, and prolific blog is listed with my "favorite readings." Try to guess which one.

Quarter One Results

Determined to take more of an active part in the business side of running the press, my Muse helped me count up the sales figures for our first quarter of 2008. We totalled the number of books sold, amount earned, sales tax owed, cost per unit, shipping, and the remaining amount after all those deductions that we would pull Laura's royalties from.

"344 books!" My Muse said, leaping up and laughing. "We sold 344 books!"

"Possibly more because I don't have the exact count from LSI. We only got paid for December. We'll have to wait for the rest."

"Maybe more. Maybe we sold more books. More than 344! That's wonderful!" She clapped her hands. "Do you realise that most books only sell 150 copies total?"

"Yes, I know."

"And most of those books were sold right here in Mendo."

"Yep."

"And the word of mouth is growing, so her book sales will only go up."

"Probably."

"We might have a best seller! How many more books until we break even?"

"356."

"After that, you'll be able to make a profit?"

"Maybe. Depends on our overall costs. But Laura's book will be paid for."

"Excellent." She turned and walked toward the kitchen. "Well, now that that's done, I'm going to have a cup of tea."

"Um... we're not done."

She stopped and spun around to look at me. "We're not? Are there more sales to tabulate?"

"No. Not sales. Costs. We haven't totalled up the receipts to tell us how much we spent this quarter, and with the two conferences I registered for, the cost to earnings ratio will be well in the red."

"Oh." She shrugged. "You can do that part. I'm done for the day." She vanished.

So much for helping me manage the business. I turned back to the computer and sighed while reaching for the folder packed with invoices and receipts. Then I sat up. Later. I decided to have that celebratory cup of tea. In the publishing business, you've got to celebrate those little moments when you feel successful and don't know how broke you actually are.

Auditions

Last night was the auditions for the Festival of New Plays at Mendocino College. I finally got to meet the director who chose my play and together we would try to decide who would be a good choice for the parts of Chris and Laura. My Muse came along, wearing a stunning vintage 40's black skirt and red blouse with a black beret. The outfit made her look straight out of a Film Noir located in Paris. She sat behind me and whispered her opinions of the actors.

"Too young. He needs to be closer to 40 than 21."

"I like her, but I wonder if she can play Laura with the stern sultriness you wrote?"

"Ugh! Where's the proverbial cane to grab that guy off the stage?"

"Oh he's cute!"

"She's wonderful. A bit young, but she could probably play older."

The actors were auditioning for all seven plays, so the process took three hours. A long night for everyone, but I was impressed by the energy of the actors and the focus of the directors. As I watched them, I began to get nervous. I realized how quickly my little play about lost love and lust could very easily fall into a soap-opera if the characters are not played by skilled actors. One of the men was excellent, but so young. Would he be able to understand the depth of regret in my play? The director and I talked about my fear and she admitted to the same feeling. She's actually more nervous than I. As the director it's all on her shoulders to make or break the play. I'm glad I only wrote the thing!

My Muse was impressed. "I think the director will be fabulous and the play will bring tears to the eyes of the audience."

I said, "It's not supposed to be depressing."

"I know, and it's not. But I think the director will manage keep the actors away from melodrama and the honesty of the play will touch everyone who sees it." She straightened her beret and smiled. "Trust me."

The director and I also talked about how involved I wanted to be in the process. I explained that I'd like to come to the first rehearsal to hear it read so I can make any necessary changes (I already heard two lines from the two pages they used for the auditions I want to fix). Mainly though, this is her baby now. A play is a constantly evolving, transforming entity. I have to let go and allow the director and actors to create what they see from my words and to try to hold on to my original vision is counterproductive. Of course, I have no intention of rewriting it to fit an idea that is outside the play. But how much she wants to up the sexual tension or cut it back is entirely up to them. I'm curious to see what the actors will do as they make the characters their own.

My Muse is eager for me to get back to work on my Script Frenzy play.

"Imagine how it will be to watch your full length play on stage. Thrilling, yes?"

Before that can happen, I'd better finish it. Now if I only had the time. People don't need sleep, right?

Holidays and Other Time Management Problems

"I decree that there shall be no more school holidays," my Muse announced as she plopped onto the couch. "All this time interruption is giving me a head-ache." She watched me continue typing an email. "You're so far behind, and I fear we will never catch up."

"Probably not. But I've given up on catching up." I turned and looked at her. "Catching up is relative. All anyone can really manage to accomplish is throwing away a completed to-do list, which will be quickly replaced by another. It's a losing battle." Turning back to my computer screen, I said, "To do lists are fascist."

"Says the Queen of the Post-it note to do list."

"Color-coded Post-it note to do list. Don't forget that part."

"Which is pinned to the wall so you can never throw it away."

"Ah, yes. But I so enjoy crumpling up those bits of paper and throwing them across the room."

My Muse picked up the couch pillow, folded her arms around it, and sighed. "But really, what are you going to do?"

I pushed the send button for the email, then turned to look at her again. "About what?" My Muse pointed first to the Post-it note to do list, then my desk where a pile of punk rock stories needed editing, then the computer screen where 22 emails waited to be answered. "Oh. That."

"And you need to start working on your play. The challenge has already started and you've yet to write a single word. If you keep putting it off it only increases your page number quota, and as it is now, you need to complete nine pages a day."

"Nine pages? Is that all? Why I'm sure I can do twelve a day."

My Muse scowled. "Laugh all you want, but these school holidays have got to end. How do other parents manage? All these interruptions from their work; it's criminal."

"You think this is bad? Wait till summer. Then we'll have three-and-a-half months to get behind."

"I'm going on a vacation. You obviously won't be needing me this summer."

I got up and moved to the couch where we sat together silently. Then I said, "She told me she doesn't like Dora the Explorer anymore."

"Ree-ree?"

"Yes. She's loved Dora since the 2nd grade and last night she threw her Dora bath toys out of her bath and said, I hate Dora."

"She is in the sixth grade now."

"I know. And next year she'll be in Jr. High. She's growing up. That's good." I picked up the other pillow and held it against my chest. "Last year it was Madeline. The year before it was Strawberry Shortcake."

"She still likes Arthur."

"Yes, but for how long? Every year she gets bigger and more mature and eventually it will be me she says she doesn't want anymore."

"Preposterous."

"Kids go through that. They hit fourteen and decide they hate their parents."

"And then they realize how much they still need their parents and want to be with them." She touched my knee. "Don't worry. She'll always love you."

I nodded. "I know. And I'm not saying there aren't days I wish she was with her dad or times I want to ship her to her grandparents. Believe me, I'm not one of those Pollyanna parents who can't imagine life without their children. I can, and it'll be great!" I laughed. "But even when I'm tired or stressed or really want to do nothing more than sit at my lap top and work on my play for the next month, I know my daughter's childhood is ending, and that makes me sad. I want to scoop her up in my arms a little longer and forget all about writing."

My Muse sat up straighter. "Mother angst. Beautiful." She looked at me. "You should write that down. At least it will be a little bit of writing. And then I'll stop bothering you about your play."

"No you won't."

"No, I won't. But I'll give it a rest for a few hours."

So I did as she asked. My Muse read this and smiled and true to her word I didn't hear another peep from her about the play for three whole hours.

An Amazon Monopoly?

This is certainly interesting:

Writen by Angela Hoy at Writer's Weekly

Some Print on Demand (POD) publishers are privately screaming "Monopoly!" while others are seething with rage over startling phone conversations they're having with Amazon/BookSurge representatives. Why isn't anybody talking about it openly? Because they're afraid - very, very afraid.

Amazon.com purchased BookSurge, a small POD publisher/printer back in 2005. Amazon also lists and sells titles for the largest POD printer, Lightning Source, which is owned by Ingram (the large book distributor). According to their website, Lightning Source serves more than 4,300 publisher clients and has more than 400,000 titles in their system.

You'd think Amazon's purchase of BookSurge might have made things a bit uncomfortable between the two companies. However, they continued to work together, getting books on demand to Amazon.com's loyal customers. Things appeared to be cruising along just fine, but perhaps not anymore.

To read the full article, click here

What exactly does this mean for the small publisher who uses Print-on-demand? Or the large publishers for that matter? Is this the death of Lightning Source and other competing Print-on-demand printers? Is Amazon becoming the monopoly it appears to be? Or is this a lot of panic over nothing?

I'll be keeping a close watch on this situation. So far, Laura' Fogg's book is still available for sale on Amazon. If anything changes, I'll let you know.

Beyond the threat of lost revenue for me and other publishers, this is a potential threat to free internet commerce and to free speech. How many writers will be silenced by Amazon's need to control the market? I believe keeping the internet free and information flowing is key to maintaining the health of our democracy. Any attempt to silence dissent, or corral businesses into a single resource for their product, is dangerous.

It's not the time to panic yet. Now is the time to be aware and see what happens. Perhaps Amazon will retract its position and avoid monopolizing book sales on the internet. Or if not, then it may be time for all of us to shop at Powells.

The KMEC interview is on line

Follow the link to hear to KMEC interview with Jane and I about Medusa's Muse and the Punk Anthology.

Midnite Society

(3-21-2008. the interview is split into two parts)

And a big thank you to Emilyn, who is a fabulous DJ and host. I had a great time!

Drunk on Friendship and Beauty

My Muse is satiated on beauty and inspiration; drunk on the energy of friendship and San Francisco. She and I went to The City on Saturday for a friend's baby Christening on Easter Sunday but decided to go down a day early to soak up some of that Bay Area vibe, and visit friends I haven't seen in three years. We dropped off my daughter with her dad, parked the van near the apartment I was staying at, and then hiked down to 19th avenue to catch the 28 bus toward Fort Funston. It was one of those warm, sunny days when smiling people crowd the sidewalks and the bay is full of sail boats. We walked over the hill to the Wharf where I was meeting my friends at the Wipe Out bar. I haven't been to The Wharf for years and couldn't resist walking all the way to Pier 39, dodging pedestrians and bicycles, sometimes walking in the road to get past the crowds gathered around street performers. My Muse stayed beside me, her hair flowing out like a net gathering creative energy, the snakes sticking their blood-red tongues out to taste the smell of people. I was late meeting my friends. My Muse decided to wander around the pier more, her eyes and ears wide with anticipation. A drag queen quartet grabbed her attention and she said, "See you later," as she vanished.

My friends found me at the front door of the pub and led me to a spot at the bar where we stayed for three hours, chatting, drinking, and laughing over old times. The three of us worked together at Renaissance Faire for many years and those two are more my family than just friends. After the bar they took me to the Rainforest Cafe, a cacophonies restaurant complete with a water fall and animatronic gorillas and elephants. My Muse found us after dinner and joined our evening walk along the water toward Market street where I would catch the Muni. Suddenly, she gripped my arm and whispered, "Look." Rising over the bay bridge, a full, golden moon shone brightly through the spans of the bridge. I pointed it out to my friends and they took a picture. You can't really see the moon very clearly, but the shot reminds me of that moment. Another full moon spent with my two dear friends. How many moons have we shared?

The next day I caught the bus again to Grace Cathedral on Nob Hill, a massive stone, Gothic, European inspired church, with stained glass windows copied from Medieval images. I arrived just as the procession of the priests began. Long robed priests carrying incense and candles filed through the aisle toward the altar, singing as they walked. I couldn't find my friends until we all gathered for the Christening. Grace Cathedral baptizes people four times a year, so my friends brought their three month old daughter to be baptized on Easter. I finally saw them opposite the Baptismal font and saw their daughter for the first time dressed in a white Christening gown. They took their turn with 20 other families and when everyone lined up again to return to their seats, I pushed my way through the crowd to join them. We sat together and listened to the Easter service and beautiful choir. My Muse wandered about the church, pressing her hands against the smooth stone, breathing in the age and color of the windows, and shivering every time the Gregorian sounding choir sang.

After the service was a brunch celebration at the Beach Chalet. Good food and not too pricey, with a lovely view. The weather was again warm and the wind mild, so we all walked on the beach where we showed the baby the ocean for the first time. I've been friends with her mother since the 7th grade, so this little girl feels like my niece. I remembered when my own daughter saw the ocean for the first time. She was wrapped up warmly in a front facing snuggle pack and she kicked her feet and laughed when she saw the ocean waves hissing on the sand at my feet.

I drove home after that and spent a quiet Easter dinner with Rick. The next day I went to Orr Hot Springs with another friend and spent the entire day soaking and lounging, watching the sky, talking and eating good food. My Muse sat by the cold pool and watched the white blossoms fall from the trees and land softly on the water.
By the time I got home, my Muse was practically drunk on creative energy and passed out on my bed.

Today, her skin is glowing with the hum of creativity. The snakes are singing softly. We haven't started writing anything yet, but we are both filled with enough energy to write four novels.

Terena on KMEC tonight!

If you live anywhere near Ukiah, Ca, Jane and I will be interviewed on KMEC radio on Midnight Society with Emilyn, tonight (Friday, 3/21) at 8:00. We'll be chatting about Small Press Month, starting Medusa's Muse, and our current project, a Punk Rock Anthology. If you live too far away from Ukiah to get KMEC on your radio, you can listen to it streaming from the KMEC website, or check out the mp3 archive of Emilyn's show.

KMEC LP is an independent, local, low power radio station broadcasting from the Mendocino Environmental Center. It's an eclectic mix of all types of music, politics, news, and views from Mendocino County. I love listening to this station because you never know what you'll hear. Blue-grass one hour, Hip-Hop the next, then some Punk followed by Enya. My kind of station!

Laura Fogg at the La Conner Quilt Museum

Not only is Laura Fogg a brilliant teacher and exeptional writer, she is also a gifted textile artist. An exhibit of her work opens March 23rd at the Quilt and Textile Museum in La Connor, Washington. Laura wrote in her book about the curious relationship between her two worlds, that of teacher of visually impaired students, and as a visual artist. If you are in Northern Washington State, you have the opportunity to see how these two worlds combine. Teaching students who are blind involves a great deal of hands on, tactile, exploration. The child needs to feel the object to understand what it is. Laura uses fabric and other textures to create vibrant landscapes. The act of creating a quilt is a tactile process, as well as visual.